Saturday 31 December 2011

New Year's Eve Party People

Not us. We prefer to sleep.

Or eat.

Note: You will have noticed that we are 2 cats short; Scooter is under the sofa; Hamish is behind the wardrobe; both state that it's too late in the evening to have their photo taken. 

We let the dogs join us as a special treat.

Happy New Year 

to all our devoted admirers, you people of such good taste and discernment.

We'll be back next year.


Sunday 25 December 2011


They went out without me today - again. They know I should always come for walks with them, but they can be mean, and try to leave me behind. They often creep out of the house with the dogs, but usually I hear them, and run through the cat flap and round the house to catch them up. Rachel says I can hear a dog-lead being clipped on even if I'm upstairs sound asleep.

Sometimes I'm already outside, and then I can ambush them when they go past.

Some days Rachel is even sneakier: she puts the dogs in the car and takes them somewhere else to have their walk, just to thwart me. They come back wet and smelling horrible, like water and sand; she says I wouldn't like it. But I still want to go too!

So I wait at the window, and people passing by say "Look at that poor little cat, a prisoner in her own home...."

Today while she was putting the dogs in the car, I took matters into my own paws. I got in too. I'm coming with you, I said, with my most assertive look.

Pleeeeeeeease! I added, with my most winning look.

And guess what she did? She made me get out.

She said "Not wanted on voyage, Millie."

Next time I'm hiding under the back seat.

Tuesday 20 December 2011


Millie: I don't trust this fire. I don't trust those candles. I'm not getting any closer.

Scooter: what's not to trust?

Flossie: Cats! Always hogging the fire.

Tosca: At least it keeps them out of my bed.

Thursday 8 December 2011

Layers of contentment

We settled in to our new home quite well.

We liked the garden, and the frogs.

But in the evenings, something was missing.

Thank goodness Rachel caught on at last. 

Our beloved Monstrosity is back where it belongs, in the sitting room.

We are happy now.

Of course, there are always dissidents.....

Wednesday 23 November 2011

Decorative objects

Rachel says that she considers Scooter and Hamish as Decorative Objects That Eat. She doesn't think of them as her Pets at all, although she loves them dearly. She tries very hard not to mind that they run away from her unless she's offering food, or to worry so much about Hamish.

Lottie and I think the boys are pretty useless compared to us. We are both Pets and Decorative Objects. Yes, we eat, although not as piggily as the boys, but we offer so much more. (In reality we think of Rachel as our Pet, rather than the other way round.) We sleep on her bed and we follow her around, because we like to keep her happy. We strike interesting poses to keep her charmed and amused; we make endearing little cheeping sounds when we see her, and we never run away when she comes into a room. She's a very responsive Pet.

And we are the best bed warmers ever, Rachel says. She particularly likes the way we walk on her in the middle of the night and purr in her face. At least, we think she likes it, so we do it several times a night. Hamish and Scooter don't think of little kindnesses like we do.

But we thought we could expand our multiple roles, particularly in the Decorative Object line.

For example:

Lottie is practising her hearth rug presentation. Flokati, she thinks. Reversible too.

Me, I will make a rather elegant lamp base.

Useful and beautiful, we are.

Wednesday 2 November 2011

Happy Birthday to Meeeeee

It's my birthday today. I am three years old, which is a very important and Grown Up age to be.

I've lived with Rachel since I was eight weeks old, and she knows that my birthday must be celebrated.

I have spent the day snoozing on the windowsill.

And I've had treats.

Rachel knows what I like, but it wasn't always so.

In fact, I had a pretty disappointing birthday dinner once, and Rachel promised she would do better in future.

So today I had extra dinner - not the boring dry kibble that we always get, but the nice stuff in a little bag. I only like the meaty gravy ones, and not the jelly kind, or the fish. I had a slice of roast beef too. Very tasty.

I also had those treat sticks - I love those! and can pull them out of the wrapper myself.

Then I had some Philly.

I love Philly very much, but I don't try to open the packs myself, now that I'm Grown Up.

Now I'm going out for the evening. I might go clubbing. Want to come?

Monday 17 October 2011


Something very interesting is going on here.

Steve and Pete, our builders, arrived this morning. Our feeding room was emptied, and our litter tray was put outside.

Our lookout tower was moved into the hall. Silly place, that, because we can't see the enemy from the hall.

Lottie sat on it anyway, to watch what was going to happen next.

Then Pete and Steve started to break up the floor. 

They used a very noisy thing to dig into it.

Lottie had to inspect what they were doing, and give her approval. Then they could continue.

I gave the final seal of approval by walking over it. The delicate paw test.

And look what they've made for us: a giant litter tray!

Rachel won't let us in there though. She says "It's not ready yet. They'll be back tomorrow."

Looks ready enough for our purposes.....

Monday 10 October 2011

Photo appreciation

There is a lot going on in this picture.

Us, for one thing. There's me, looking gloriously orange, but there's also Scooter, practising his ninja skills, hiding in the shadows on top of the wall.

We are in Our Garden. It's a place that seethes with feelings and feuds; we are conducting a battle of wills with the humans about what a garden is for. I think we are winning.

We guard the garden, and the one next door. Our neighbours told Rachel that sometimes they get a spooky feeling that they are being watched when they are in their garden, and then they spot Scooter looking at them from the greenery. Sometimes Scooter and I climb onto their flat roof and look in their window when they are in bed. They have cats too, silly fluffy creatures who never come out to play, and don't know how to be garden guards.

What else do you see? Well yes, the washing lines - that woman is forever doing washing! Perhaps she was a cat in a former life. But I mean the fuchsia. She says she hates it, and it needs to come out, but she can't quite do it. And that's because it is OUR fuchsia; we sharpen our claws on it.

And that shrub behind it is where I like to hide when it rains. Rachel peers into it and says "Hello, Hamish!" but I don't move - she must be bluffing, because I'm hidden, right? so she can't possibly see me. She hates that bush too, and says I must find somewhere else to lurk. She has a lovely honeysuckle waiting to go in its place, she says - I can't hide under a spindly old honeysuckle!

The patch of bare soil is something else I am having a little fight with Rachel about. She has put lots of Spring bulbs in there, but it's where I like to - know.... She says there's a giant cat tray in the utility, but I'm a wild animal - cat litter is for sissies!

On the other side is the log pile, waiting for a wood store to be made by Rachel's big scary kitten, the one she calls The Lovely Son. We like this log pile; if we jump off the wall onto it, some logs roll off. Spiders live in it, and sometimes we can hear frogs in there too.

At the back of the garden is a heap of bags that are full of Mulch. Rachel says she dreads spreading it, because she knows how much I like to dig. I think it sounds exciting!

Lottie and Millie aren't in this picture because Lottie just sleeps all day and Millie goes out adventuring. The new cat, Catkin the Horrible, isn't in it either, because she just sits at the top of the stairs and growls at us if we try to go up. She only comes downstairs to eat our dinner.

So we spend our days in the garden. Our Garden.

Saturday 1 October 2011

Password power

No one gets through this back door unless I let them.

Enemies are everywhere, and I must watch out for them.

Especially Lily and Molly, next door's tabbies.

They will never get in; I change the password as soon as I see them.


Monday 12 September 2011


I have to live here now. Me, a sophisticated Londoner, coming to live in the back of beyond, Woop-Woop-by-the-Sea.

The humans are ok, I suppose but the cats! - well, I hate them. They hate me too.

I growl at them. I look fierce.

They growl at me. The females do, anyway; the boys just run away, silly little scaredy-cats.

Rachel says it will all be fine.